"Little Dinosaurs Terrorize Living Room, Leave Minefield of Poo"

by Sonny McPickles

Two dinosaur descendants, a male and a female chicken, last night roamed free of their enclosure, wreaking havoc upon tables, chairs, small children and the floor.

In a daring experiment, the birdkeeper, Professor John W. Haffner of the Western Alabama Poultry Science Institute, purposefully left the roof off of the enclosure. After hours of observation and studying for finals, Haffner retired for the night, at which time the chickens were roosting on the back of the easy chair.

Upon rising this morning, it was immediately apparent to Prof. Haffner that while the little dinosaurs had remained on the chair for some time, and also spent time in their enclosure, they had spent the majority of the morning roaming free in the vast wilderness of the living and dining rooms. In doing so, they determinedly claimed new territory, leaving droppings at strategic points throughout. Adding to the affront, the birds also left feathers and flakes of epidermis. These trespasses were not unexpected, however, as in his long experince with Gallus domesticus, Prof. Haffner has come to expect such behavior.

After carefully noting the placement and composition of the chickens' deposits, Haffner decisively got a holt of the diminutive beasts, briefly petted them, and placed them outside in their leaf-lined coop. Turning back inside to address the minefield of feathers and poo, he found that most of the fecal droppings were of the relatively inoffensive firm and dry variety. Most, but not all: as if to remind Prof. Haffner that no bourgeois human would ever hold dominion over them, the chickens defaced both the Partagas cigar box and the West Elm furniture catalog with the dreaded "wet stinky ones."

After a thorough cleaning reclaimed the area for humanity, Professor Haffner deemed his experiment successful, finding the ability to observe the birds in their natural free-ranging state to be invaluable. Though the dino-birds left some amount of devastation in their wake, Haffner found the difficulties to be not insurmountable, and ultimately minor inconveniences as compared to the progress made in chicken understanding and advancement.